Mother’s Day: An Open Letter to Those Experiencing Sadness

Last year on Mother’s Day I was out to lunch with my Mom, sister, and husband when it suddenly hit me. I looked across the table with tear filled eyes and said: “I would have been 5 months pregnant today, Mom”.  

I suffered a pregnancy loss in January of 2019.  Mother’s Day for me last year had a whole new meaning.  It was the first time I knew I was ready to be a Mom and yet I was sad that I didn’t know for sure if I’d be able to celebrate a Mother’s Day of my own in the future.  So on that day last year, as I celebrated my Mother I also mothered myself. I allowed space to feel my sadness and gave myself the love I needed to know that I would be okay. And what I couldn’t know or see that day was a gift in the making – I would become pregnant with Noah later that month.

I celebrated my first Mother’s Day this past weekend and I can now see the lesson in my loss, but at the time it was hard.  Some days I suffered in silence and other days I felt better talking about it.  Ultimately, what helped me to heal was deciding to believe I didn’t lose anything at all.  Instead I trusted that for a brief moment in time I was connected with a soul that initiated my motherhood transition and offered me the opportunity to become closer with my Mom.

I shared my story of pregnancy loss for the first time last week in a special message on Instagram.  I want to offer hope and resilience to those of you who need it now, no matter where you are in your journey to or from motherhood, or in your decision whether or not to become a parent.

No matter your current situation, I want you to know you’re not alone and your feelings matter.  It’s okay to feel whatever it is you’re feeling – it doesn’t mean anything about who you are or the type of person or Mom you are or are not.  As Glennon Doyle shares in her recent book, Untamed, “all feelings are for feeling”.

My new motherhood experience isn’t anything like I planned, but that’s a life lesson I am always learning, going back to my high school days.  I chose this quote for my yearbook picture and it’s one that I think we’re all living into now: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”, made famous by the John Lennon song.

Despite the plans you had for this time in your life and career, I hope you can lean into trusting that you’re exactly where you are meant to be, even if you can’t know how it will turn out.  I am hopeful that in sharing my story with you it will help you feel seen, give you permission to make a decision, or offer you the opportunity to reach out for support. I want you to have whatever it is you need right now.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you – I am so grateful for our community . If you’d like to join our private community of Worthy Moms on Slack click here.

To owning your worth,
Ashley Paré

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