Negotiation through Career Transitions and Maternity Leave [Detox & Chill Podcast]

In order for us as parents to raise a generation of children who become adults who are present, considerate, and change agents for a better society, we ourselves have to be present, mindful, and taken care of in order to care for those we love.

Maternity leave is essential.  As a matter of fact, parental leave is essential.  It’s not a luxury or a nice to have, it’s a necessity.

Unfortunately, the US is still at the bottom of the list when it comes to paid parental leave benefits and there is evidence of paid-leave disparities by race and ethnicity.  In 2020, US employers and the US government are failing to offer equitable and sufficient family leave benefits.  Most of us are left to struggle on our own as we navigate parenthood, our careers, and our health.  If we’re going to move the needle on current leave programs and policies it’s important to advocate for ourselves, our families, and our colleagues in order to hold our employers accountable to change.

I became a Mom earlier this year.  I had the privilege of being a white woman with access to great healthcare and treatment at a hospital, being my own boss, and having a husband who received two weeks of paid paternity leave (which is something but not nearly enough).  And it was still so hard.  I would be devastated if I had to go back to a job where I felt undervalued, underpaid, and underwhelmed. I am grateful I also have the added benefit of loving who I work with and the work I do and this may not be the case for some of you.

Two days before I went into labor I sat down with Meg & Beck of The Detox and Chill Podcast and we talked about negotiating life and career transitions, the current state of being a (white) working Mom and how to protect your boundaries as a woman in the workplace. In this honest discussion we get real about the challenges of navigating a career and parenthood and how transparency at work may be the key to making progress when it comes to managing both.

Listen in to hear:

– How to negotiate with your current employer or how to find a new job while pregnant

– What questions to ask when you’re planning for a family

– Protecting your boundaries as a woman in the workplace

– Giving yourself permission to change your mind as you navigate your career

– TRANSPARENCY with your colleagues and leadership

So welcome back to the podcast everyone. We’re so excited. We’re in our third season now where taking this month to record a couple episodes in advance, which is always good. So this week we’re so excited to be bringing back Ashley Pare onto the podcast. You guys loved her first episode where we dove into all things negotiation and you know, really just negotiating things in the workplace and dove into those topics, especially from a female perspective. So we’re so excited. You’re back. She’s super pregnant and we’re so excited. We could sneak this in before. When is your duty before baby? Yeah, I’m officially due February 11th. Oh my God, that’s so soon. Oh my gosh. I’m gonna be taking some time off at the end of this week starting. So yeah, no. Do you know like how much time or what you’re gonna do that? No, it’s a good question. I’m giving myself some space to kind of figure it out once the being income.

Ashley Paré:

So that’s awesome. Yeah. I’ve, I’ve decided that 12 weeks maybe good. May not be. I don’t think I’ll be completely like off, off since I’m running my business, but I put some things in place to at least give myself, you know, four to 10 weeks where I can have a maternity leave. Slowly ease back in. So it’s one of those things that I’ll get to figure out and see what works for me. Which was good. Yeah. That’s so it, that’s so exciting. And we’re just so grateful that you took the time out to come and talk to us again because you are very close to your due date and I’m sure you’re not as comfortable as you once were. So thank you. So you’re welcome back. Thanks for having me. Of course. We’d love to dive in more into your perspective on maternity leave and does women in the workplace who are thinking about having kids.

Detox & Chill:

And Megan, I came up with some questions today that we’re really interested in that and I feel like Meg, I don’t know if you feel like this too, but this is something that we’ve been hearing a lot about. Yeah, I feel like, so we have a Facebook group of people who listen to the podcast and I feel like that and just on Instagram it’s, and even with friends, to be honest, it’s something that I think everyone is now thinking about and maybe it’s just we’re at the stage of life where like I’m 28. You know, I think people are always like, man, are you having kids? And my friends are starting to have kids. So I feel like it’s at the forefront of a lot of my friends minds. But it’s a challenging time I think to figure out how to navigate a making this huge life decision. But then B, how haven’t navigate it in the workplace. So we have a lot of questions around that. I guess maybe a one of the first ones in back, this is one of yours I’m going to steal it. Is just so you find out you’re pregnant. What are your next steps as you start to think about telling people at work? Is there a right time? And then I think maternity leave is another big thing we want to get into, but maybe we just start there. It’s a good question.

Ashley Paré:

And it is like part of the transition of, right, we graduate from school like in general, right? And enter the workforce and its career, career, career and then yes, you’re right. There’s a certain time we have to think about do we want to make this decision right? To have a family and there’s, you know, the outside pressures. And then our internal right decisions around that choice and work can make things more complicated. I think in terms of telling someone like an a boss or your employer it’s going to be your personal decision. So depending on how well your company handles these types of yeah. Situations, right? This is going to be, you know, your boss, right? Again, well and, or you know, your boss best. So I think from a policy perspective, like if I put on my HR hat, HR probably has policies in place for leave of absence or taking time off and maybe you need to give like at least 30 days notice.

So it’s definitely about like checking, okay, what programs or policies do your, does your company have? But that’s actually about like, okay, how do I tell my boss and how do we plan for my absence? Like what happens? And those bring a lot of fear comes up in terms of like, am I going to be recognized when I come back? Like, am I, who’s going to take over the work that I’m potentially leaving? So there’s no magic number, but I think giving your boss enough time, whatever that looks like, depending on your job is probably fair. But I’ve heard unfortunately like terrible stories where, you know, if you tell your boss too soon, they start like not inviting you to travel on trips or not giving you projects. And if you wait too long, then there’s the, okay, well there’s not gonna be a position for you when you come back.

So it was, again, it becomes really tricky. But you have to find out what feels good to you because the sooner you talk about it, the more time you have to figure out what’s gonna work for you in your career and what type of leave you might want to take. If you do want to return to that organization or not when you come back. If you’re on the fence, I have a few clients that found out they were pregnant and they were like, I hate my job, so should I look now? So yeah, sure. You can put yourself out on the job market and you know, come to the offer stage, you can be upfront, you are your news. So it’s a tough question to answer. Hopefully that helps a little bit in terms of there’s a difference between policy, like what your company might actually require of you versus a best practice.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah. So on that note that you just mentioned of, you know, searching for a new job, if you’re pregnant, you know, what’s the best way to kind of talk to someone in an interview and be up front with it and still acknowledging that, you know, you’re interested in the job and you’re excited and this is just a step for you in your life journey in your career. How do you, I mean, I, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Ashley Paré:

Hmm. In the tough questions out there. Yeah. So from like a legal perspective, right. We are protected, women are protected and employers are not supposed to be asking, right? If we are pregnant or if we’re expecting to have children. But again, depending on the industry that you work in, this might be something that you’ve heard already and your past about what are your plans to have a family. So again, I would recommend that you be as open and upfront as you are comfortable being. And for the right employer, they’re going to wait for you. They’re gonna work out a plan, right? Because they’re in an identify that, Hey, if you’re the top candidate, then it’s only a couple of months. Like let’s say you couldn’t start in time or after a month or two you needed to go out on leave. I would wait. So if you’re not showing right, then we have the physical aspect of physically not showing, you know, pregnancy signs, then I would recommend probably waiting till the offer letter stage, kind of have that conversation with your future employer.

I’m really excited about joining the organization. This is my top choice company. I do want to let you know that I’m expecting a baby and six months from now you know, can you talk to me about what that would look like? What your programs or policies in place would be to support me. And you know, I’m giving you a heads up up front because I will need some time off so you can be clear and then see how they respond. There’s going to be the organization that says no problem and then there might be someone that ends up not going forward with an offer, but hopefully that won’t be the case. Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s really interesting and I was thinking about this a lot today just cause I knew we had the episode and like just thinking about why, I understand obviously from like a health perspective, but why pregnancy is so taboo in the workplace.

And I think it is because in the past like maybe more women would stay home after they have had a child and not go back to work or maybe, you know, employers thought that would be the case and would kind of just weed them out from the onset. So I think it’s interesting, it’s like such a weird thing in today’s society, which we all hope has progressed much farther. But I feel like you do have to still protect yourself and just like it has to be the right time. Yes. Yes. I mean even running my own business and experiencing this shift and change in my life. Yeah. I mean I’m going through it now, but my own decision of when to share the news with the community and my clients, I had a lot of fears coming up around, well what are they going to think? Well, they want to work with me. So I definitely feel that this is still something women are dealing with sometimes in silence. There is, this is just another topic that we don’t have many safe spaces I think to talk about. I do know with

In former jobs of my own older generations, typically men would, you know, make comments like, Oh, so-and-so’s, she’s probably, Oh, she’s getting married. So that means she’s going to have kids soon. Right? So there’s, there are still a lot of biases that exist. But on the flip side, there are more and more companies that are offering longer parental leave to both men and women. And it’s again going back to like what’s important to you and your life and your career and speaking up and advocating and choosing to be a part of an organization that is doing the right thing. And creating some space for that. But I think, you know, you don’t have to share your news but if you don’t share and you’re joining an organization and you know, you’re pregnant, right? Be very clear about, again, the policies because sometimes women aren’t, you’re not covered under a family medical leave act unless you’re with an employer for a year. Depending on the size of the organizations, you just want to see like what job safety or security is actually available to you. If you’re going to be a new and honestly your employer, I’m just thinking like, am I going to ask you? Like when you’re coming back and you know, again, you don’t have to give an answer. You can always say, I don’t know. And that’s something that you have to get clear on for yourself first. Give yourself permission to change your mind, but then also articulate it to your boss in terms of what you might need from them.

Detox & Chill:

Right. Yeah, definitely. And I feel like, like so on that note, so have you come across any situation where, you know, if you’re in a job and they may not have the best maternity leave policy, is that something that you’ve seen women negotiate with their employers or is it just kind of like, it is what it is, you know, take the FMLA, like take the short term disability or is that something that people have been able to negotiate and you know, figure out what their employer?

Ashley Paré:

I have not. So both with my coach hat or my HR hat, I haven’t heard of anybody successfully negotiate, like paid leave that wasn’t already offered with an organization. So it’s one of those benefits like pay time off that typically an outside of a startup is kind of just standard policy. So that being said, you may be able to negotiate more unpaid leave with your boss. But if you’re looking for paid leave, it’s usually a question that you can ask during the interview process. Like, do you have any plans to offer a paid maternity and or paternity leave in the next year or two? So you can ask HR and, or, you know, a manager what the plans are or how is it handled internally if somebody needs to take a leave of absence for medical reasons. I would, I would recommend to listeners to try it, right?

Because again, if we don’t ask, we don’t hold employers accountable, then it will be something that doesn’t change or isn’t available. I know a lot of companies and HR teams are putting more and more effort into offering better benefits, including paid leave. Yeah, that’s definitely something to ask if you’re in the interview stage. Like, how is this handled? What do you have planned? What plans do you have in place to put in these policies? But I have employees to talk to their managers about creating some sort of deal. So depending again on the culture and your relationship with your boss, you know, even you can definitely negotiate flexibility like returning from work part time in the office. I’ve had worked clients that have been successful in negotiating the flexibility on their return, but not really the actual leave part because this is where it gets tricky.

Detox & Chill:

Where if I were to say, you Megan, yes you can do this because we’re going to have a great relationship and share it. Don’t worry about it. Take an extra two weeks. And then Becca, you came to me and we didn’t have the same relationship and I said, no, you need to follow the company policy. That’s where things can get tricky in terms of not applying the policies equally or fairly across the organization. And this is just kind of like to take a step back, but in your opinion, I feel like you’ve worked with so many women. Do you feel like there’s a baseline as you’re going through job interviews and if that’s something that obviously you’re asking about, you’re curious across companies, do you feel like there’s a baseline that women should be looking for for paid leave that’s like standard or do you think that also depends?

Ashley Paré:

I think paid leave is still considered a huge benefit. That’s crazy. I’ve never worked with a company that offered paid maternity leave. That’s so disappointing. Really, really? Oh my God. My husband’s company offers, because he’s been in for two years, two weeks of paid paternity leave for him. And I think women get eight weeks. So I feel like a lot of companies that do offer paid, it’s usually around eight weeks and sometimes that’s paid at like 50% or 60%. But I worked a lot in the tech industry and startups and that was never a benefit that I had. Again, the Googles, the Facebooks of the world are, you know, on one end of the spectrum with this. But again, I definitely think it’s something that more and more women are asking for, which means companies are paying attention to it. But yeah, it’s something that I think is considered a bonus or a nice benefit.

But I’ve had clients that have told me it’s really important to them and they will only say yes to a job that offers. Right. paid maternity or paternity. Yeah. The other thing that is negotiable is if you are leaving a company that offers paid parental leave to go to a company that does not offer that negotiate a bonus assignment bonus or negotiate a higher rate in your pay because you’re leaving a really important benefit on the table to join that organization. Yeah. Yeah. That’s crazy. Many companies still don’t do that. It is so insane. And I F it’s so crazy. So my husband’s in the air force and just seeing like the way that the air force works, like a lot of it is very dated, but they do have 12 weeks of paid maternity leave. And I’m like, if the government can offer them, why can’t all companies offer this?

Detox & Chill:

You know, it’s just so mind boggling. Yeah. And I know even Dan, and this is an interesting whole conversation too, but I feel like when companies, so a, I think the standard should obviously be offering paid maternity leave, but I also think when companies only offer that and not paternity it, like it doesn’t normalize the fact that people take off for this life for then. So I found that really fascinating. I was at a conference and I had no, it just had never occurred to me, but they were talking about normalizing paternity and maternity and the two together are going to just normalize people taking time off to have a child. You know, in Massachusetts it’s called now it’s called paid parental or parental leave. So the state has passed paid parental leave laws that’ll go into effect in 2021. Which is something, I think it’s eight weeks of some sort of at some percentage.

Ashley Paré:

But there’s also more and more research that’s being done that when companies do offer parental leave or maternity and paternity, they retain more employees. Right. It’s again, better culture because you’re allowing your team members to take some time off and come back and they feel valued. So it’s, I think this old fear that like, Oh, if we let somebody take time off and we pay them, they’re never going to come back. Is, is slowly shifting to, this is something that shows our employees that we value them and it’ll keep them longer term. So yeah, that’s my, my viewpoint is more as an employer and you can offer your employees to incentivize them to grow their career and have a life at the same time, the better it is for business. So yeah. Hopefully the more we talk about it, the more changes put in place.

Detox & Chill:

And I think the more men take that as an example to other men. That’ll just help. If Dan’s listening, he’s going to teach. Yes. When that time comes, I’ve talked to a lot of my, I’m kind of at the other end of the spectrum. Most of my friends have already had kids and I’m kind of at the last, I waited longer. And most of my friend’s husbands either didn’t have the opportunity to or couldn’t take all of their leave. And so that is a part of like, if it’s offered men, please take it because it does normalize it. And you know, with my husband like two weeks ago,

Detox & Chill:

It’s not very long time.

Ashley Paré:

I definitely encourage people to take whatever time they have because again, especially from the male perspective if more men take it, then the business has to identify, well, how do we rearrange work and manage that process for everyone? Versus like, Oh, this is a woman’s issue and the burden’s on us. Totally.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah, exactly. So shifting gears a little bit, but on the same topic. So I’ll, a few of our listeners have been stay at home moms. They have, they had kids young and they’re looking to return to the workplace and looking to start going on interviews again and start to figure out what they really want to do. So as you’re coaching moms who have been at home and who are reentering the workplace, what are some of your tips that you give them to go into an interview for the first time? Yes, this is a great question. So important.

Ashley Paré:

Yeah, this applies to people who are entering the workforce from school as well, like, right, their first job, but really getting grounded in like what you offer, what you bring to the table like that confidence piece and it will be built up over time, right? So not being so hard on yourself if it’s your first interview in five, 10, or 15 years just getting started, like allowing yourself to apply to interview and remembering that as mom, right? You’ve learned how to just delegate and prioritize and manage. And those are some of the best soft skills that are not easily taught and companies can really find value there. So I’ve worked with a few people who were, you know, returned to the workforce after, you know, 10 or 15 years. And it’s changed so much though. They’re like, wow, I would never have had the opportunity to be in this level of role or I’d never would’ve had the flexibility to work from home and have a family.

So the workforce is changing. So I think entering from an injury perspective, it’s owning your worth. It’s knowing that right? You do have value and how can you translate what you’ve done in your career to the skills that you’ve been able to build up as a mom. And how will that impact the business. So it’s either about relationship building managing conflict, prioritizing. Again, these are all soft skills. Companies can train you on tech or systems or whenever you might need. But I think showing the initiative and not being afraid to say.

What you’ve learned from your time away from work and why work is now important to you, why you’re comfortable reentering the workforce. Like sharing your story from a place of, this is why I’m ready, this is what I’m looking for and this is what I wanted to bring to the table. Gives the employer confidence in you. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think we talked about this last time, but there’s this like resume, gap, fear that so many people have. And I’m sure especially, you know, if you were at work 15 years ago, things really have changed so much. So I can only imagine how daunting it is to go in to like a new workplace and try to navigate that and an interview. But I really like that advice and just going in owning that you’ve learned so much in a different way. But staying at home as a mom, it was still a full time job as a mom too. Even more so. Yes. And trusting in yourself that if you could figure out motherhood, then you’ll be able to figure out how to adapt in the new workplace that you’re in. So I think that’s another fear that I hear women have is like, you know, how will I have I learned, how do I get up to speed or I’ve been out too long. That right. It’s really about self co losing, feeling like they’ve lost their self confidence. But trusting that, you know, those people are all different ages and levels and experiences and we’re, we’re great. We’re meant as humans to adapt to our surroundings and give yourself permission to try. And if you don’t like it or just a word cut, then yeah, yeah. Then that’s okay. Yeah. And I feel like part of it too, because I think obviously sometimes women have trouble with different parts of the workplace. Just inherently there’s bias, but I also think that there’s bias against age, so I can only imagine, you know, if you left at a certain level and 15 years later you’re going back and reviewing that, there’s probably a lot of fear associated with being the oldest one among a younger workforce or just like how to present that. That’d be really challenging. Yeah. I think it’s, I mean, it is a challenge, but again, when you, if you are that older person or if you’re that younger person, like really just being open and curious and knowing that everyone has a different work style.

I do a lot of work in this space of trying to bridge that gap. Right. A lot of the older generations like to just paint this, all the millennials don’t like this or that. Millennials don’t like that. And yes, that’s not helpful. So instead it’s, you know, how can we work better together? What do need how can we communicate effectively? Do you like to get emails? Yeah. Can I call you? And just simple conversations. And, and as a woman returning to work, it’s kind of like knowing yourself best so that way you can communicate with your colleagues about what really works for you and vice versa. Yeah. That’s so funny. I feel like my dad is, you know, like typical boomer, like he’s been in the same job for his whole career and like you’ll just hear it and say like, your generation just like faxing around and all this stuff. I’m like, yeah, dad, but I’m much happier, you know? And I see him not enjoy parts of his job. So it’s just funny. The different generation. Yes.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah. So I was going to say, so on that note as well, so would you recommend any type of like exercises before going into an interview? Like writing prompts, anything like that, that can help women get more prepared or build that confidence before going in.

Ashley Paré:

So I think for any interview, it’s really important to be able to share a few stories around what you’ve done that like applies to the role that you’re applying to. So I’m trying to think of an example. So if you’re looking at a job description, right, and you apply and you get an interview, you want to be able to go through that job description and highlight areas for yourself that you feel you’ve, you have great experience in or that you’ve done in the past and create a narrative or story around, okay, how can I share a story in the interview that speaks to these skills or this qualification? And then kind of highlight areas for yourself that you feel maybe you’ve never had exposure to or, or this is where, again, we see women who, if they haven’t done everything on a job description, sometimes they’re afraid to apply, but that’s okay.

Highlight the areas that you don’t feel as confident or comfortable in, but then also create stories around, right. How you can share a soft skill story or something that’s similar that you feel confident you have the potential and capability to learn as you learn the job. So I think just being really clear that it’s okay if you don’t have everything that’s asked for, but how do you talk about what your potential is versus what your hard and soft skills actually are? Because telling a story around, I may not have ever had experience working with the software, but having learned blah, blah blah in the past. Right. I’m confident that I’d be able to pick it up quickly. So it’s about you as the interviewer taking that, sorry, you as the interviewee taking the interviewer on a journey, each answer, like back to a place that do you want to let them know that you are capable and confident that you’ll be able to learn no matter what? So I think getting really familiar with the job description. And then also just how they probably will ask you, you know, why are you ready to reenter the workforce or, you know, tell us about your story. Or they might ask you something about your past. So again, if you own it and say,

This is the reason that I decided to take the break and this is the reason I was sad, I need to come back to work that will make them feel again. They want to know your why. That’ll make I think an employer more comfortable to push you forward. And really just the whole interview process is as we all know, like long and can be long. It can be really stressful. So knowing that no matter if you’re a returning mom to the workforce or not, like being really patient and kind to yourself along the way, because you may have to interview with 10, 12, 25 companies before you get a job offer and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about you. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it’s hard to separate that, like your self-worth from getting an offer. Not one other thing I was thinking about. And it just came back to me was working part time, especially through women, especially after having kids. I feel like I’ve seen kind of both sides of the coin. I’ve seen women who I admire very much but be working part time, taking a part time salary but still working just as much as they did before they made that so much. And then I’ve seen women manage it very well and set boundaries. But I’m just curious your thoughts on how to kind of manage that process if you have any opinions on like when does that boundaries, what are good ones to I think the part time because of work flexibility, right? And being able to, if a company offers, sure. I work from home. I feel like the part time workforce is going to be shrinking and shrinking and shrinking, meaning companies with P offering those opportunities probably less and less. In return for you can do your work anywhere, but this is what we need to get done. Right? So in terms of setting boundaries, it’s really about, first of all, getting paid fairly. If it’s part time, meaning does your pay align with the work that you’re doing and if not, if you are working more than what was originally agreed upon, then being able to have that conversation or setting the boundary around, okay, I’m because I’m only getting paid X for these amount of hours. I’m setting the boundary. Like this is when I’m available. I work Mondays through Fridays, right from eight to 12 and you won’t hear from me right outside of that. And if you need to reach me because it’s urgent right. I may take a couple of hours to get back to you. But really for yourself separating or compartmentalizing, like I’ve only got to look at work from eight to 12.

Yeah. It’s, it’s difficult. Because we often want to write, ensure that we’re recognized and sure that we’re making an impact and if we are the only person on our team that’s working part time, it might feel like, Oh, I’m not doing enough. Right. So maybe I would recommend. Right. Just creating that alternate schedule that works for you. And again, ensuring that you’re paid, that your pay aligns with the contribution you’re making. So if you are working more and there’s no way for you to say no in a way that works for the business, then don’t take less pay for that benefit.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah, I love the piece of transparency. I feel like that’s a theme throughout this whole, every time we talk to you, that’s kind of what comes up. And I feel like it’s something that is very underappreciated and almost forgotten about where, you know, we work with these people a huge portion of our lives and we spend so much time with them, so why can’t we be transparent and open? And everyone’s living their lives. Everyone’s going through these life transitions, so why aren’t we talking about it? So thank you for bringing that up. I really appreciate that. And it’s something that Megan I talk about often is like, okay, like should we talk about this to our coworker? Should we not bring this up to our boss? And like, I feel like so many women and men are having that conversation as well as the generation shifts that it’s like, yeah, it’s like so simple but we don’t really talk about it.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah. And I love, I love just being like it, it really is so different. My mom says it all the time, but she’s like, I would go home from work and literally no one could reach me. And I think it’s just changed so much that our society really is starting to be like instant answer, instant gratification. So that is a really interesting point about part time in general. Yes. Because you can essentially make up hours at some point in your day, whether it’s at 10:00 PM once your kids are asleep or you know, if you’re up in the middle of the night. Crazy. Yeah. And I think this, you know, it comes back to being transparent. Yes. But also just clear yourself like self care. There’s a lot of us that are not taking care of ourselves and not putting ourselves first and you know, as caregivers, right?

Ashley Paré:

Men or women when we’re not taking care of ourselves. Then other people suffer not only your job, right, but our children too. So really being able to, to make that space or commitment to yourself. I mean it is difficult. But I even noticed as I’m going through this process, right? Like I’m giving myself time off and I also don’t know how I’m going to feel or what I’m going to need. So I’m giving myself the, the like I might have to come back to some clients and say, I’m actually not returning from leave right now, but my own, that’s brought up a lot of fear around like what will they think and what does this mean and how much will I be able to earn? And so being able to identify this is just something that is part of the process. And then again, talking about it, whether it’s with your boss, with your partner, like you figure out what works.

So that way you’re not overextending yourself to your own detriment or burnout or people choosing to leave the workforce even if they really don’t want to because they weren’t able to have a conversation with their manager about shifting their schedule or something. And there’s a lot of guilt, right? I hear have mom guilt about, you know, wanting to leave your children and, and so yeah, just making space for all of these discussions is really important. Sharing as women and dads, moms and dads, like how they, how you’ve made it work because everyone will do their own thing. But really getting ideas about like, Oh, how is possible that you can have a clear and still be great parents. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I, I definitely still have fears after making a career, so that, just talking about this with someone, but making a career switch five years into my career, I did take a step back.

So now there’s all these thoughts did I go through, because I think I have this inherent beliefs. That’s been kind of hammered into us. So, and to have kids, it’s extremely challenging to continue to grow your career. So that’s something I’m trying to navigate to be honest, is like when is the right time? Do I need to feel completely secure in where I’m at in my career? Will I ever feel completely like I’ve reached that point? It’s just like all these things we have to think about and I don’t know that you’re ever fully ready. I don’t think so. Yeah. So I think it’s just a decision that you make and that you own, that you’re figuring out what to go and right. There’s pros and cons for having children earlier in your life and the pros and cons of having children later in your life.

But I think it’s, it’s a gift and the major life transition that like you will be able to figure out. And I think it really does come down to what do you want, right? If, if your career is really important to you, you will be able to find a company in Boston organization that will help you navigate that. And, I mean this is talked about a lot now, but I really believe that we can have it all in our life but maybe not all at the same time. Right. This is the first time in my life that I’m making space for something someone right. Other than my career. That’s been the priority for me for a long time and, and so it’s something else I get to add in versus losing something that I’ve worked hard for. Yeah. Yeah. That’s so exciting.

Detox & Chill:

And thank you so much for talking with us again as one last question cause I know sleep is important right now for you is we don’t want to keep you too long, but I’d love to know what you’re most excited about. Becoming a mom. That’s a great question. Right now I’m just so excited to meet this little baby. I don’t know. I feel like we didn’t know. We, I decided to keep it a surprise and like I can feel, you know, fee and movements and so for me like actually meeting like who this person is and will be just being able to like say hello so moment by moment at this point but just really excited to meet a baby cause it still feels surreal to be honest. Yeah. I feel real till here. She was like in your arms. I love that. I don’t know if I would be able to wait.

Ashley Paré:

I know I give you all the credit. It’s really been interesting. So my, I always work with my clients and do this personally as well, but choose a word or a theme or write set intentions for the year. And so for 2020 I chose surrender for my word. I love that because towards the end of last year, having not knowing if this was a boy or girl, I found myself trying to control, trying to and getting upset with myself that I didn’t know and I really had to move back into this place of I still don’t know who this person is, whether it’s a gem like so I’m so glad I waited for the surprise because that’s just helping me to go.

Even if I knew the gender, I really wouldn’t change anything. I’m still just waiting and I have no control over when this baby will arrive. So I think I need more of that. And before we wrap up to the last time we talked to you, your program was launching now, which has, so the negotiator how’s that been going and how can our listeners find it and try it and go through the course? Yes. So the negotiator is officially going to be live and open to all of my clients on February 10th. So what we’ll do there. Timing. Yes, there’s still time. Okay. I’m actually going to offer a discount code specifically for toxin shuttle listeners. So the negotiators, it’s like it’s, it is my baby because I’ve been working on it since giving my TEDx talk. And so, Oh my gosh, it’s, yes, very comprehensive from everything. You know, we’ve talked about about owning your worth and negotiating and the specific language to use with your boss, but also the emotional components of your relationship with money and how to overcome that. So it’s a, a really great program and yes, you can still join it’ll be on my website and I’ll share with you so you can put it in the show notes.

Detox & Chill:

Yeah, I feel like I want to go through that cause I think the relationship for me, what’s fascinating is the relationship with money. So I definitely wanted to give it a try. Cool. So for anyone listening who wants to find us, you can find us at detox and chill podcast on Instagram. Send us an email, join our Facebook group. So we mentioned it a little bit earlier, but it’s just a really safe place for women to just post whatever they’re thinking about. Get input from everyone and everyone’s obviously super awesome, respectful, kind, all of those good things. And then where can our listeners find you? Yes. So my website on your and I also, I have a community on Slack. So if you’re a Slack user, private community, and there’s actually a community for moms in that Slack group. So where are the moms?

Detox & Chill:

Love it. So if you are thinking about being a mom, if you made a decision not to be a mom, if you were trying to go back to work or leave work, whatever version of a mom you are, you’re welcome to join. So if you head to my website, you can find my email address and or join the Slack group specifically through my website and I’m on Instagram under own your worth as well. So I’ve said it to have been back and I’ve connected with a lot of your listeners after the last one, which is amazing. Yeah, we love that. We’re still love you got to fit this in. Thank you everyone for listening and yeah, have a good rest of your week. We love you guys. Bye.


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